I'm Nothin' but Trouble

Month

March 2009

He Said...She Said...

He said to me … I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
I said to him … You wear pants don’t you?

He said to me . . ….. Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That’s a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said to me. … What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ……Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me. ….. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don’t have time

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . We don’t know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him … They already have boyfriends.

I said…What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said… A widow.

He said to me … Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him … Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

—Courtesy of MAR

Mar 31, 2009
Mar 31, 200951 notes
Mar 31, 2009126 notes
Mar 31, 2009118 notes
Mar 30, 2009
Sorry I'm late...

… I slept till 5p.m..

Aw, where you sick.

No, I was in Heaven. Daydreaming of being in a coma! - Jim Gaffigan

Mar 30, 2009
Mar 30, 200972 notes
Mar 30, 2009342 notes
“In an event that hits the computer world only once every few years, security experts are racing against time to mitigate the impact of a bit of malware which is set to wreak havoc on a hard-coded date. As is often the case, that date is April 1.” —
Beware Conficker worm come April 1 : Christopher Null : Yahoo! Tech
Mar 29, 2009
Mar 29, 2009178 notes
Play
Mar 29, 2009
Mar 29, 200957 notes
“And there it was, proof. Proof that I had a child growing inside me. Proof that I fucked up yet again. Next to the pee stick was my cell phone. The first person I called was Jen. Jen had experience with this and was a comfort. She made a joke and made the tears on my face seem like they were from laughter and not fear.” —My Abortion: Dog Bites, Dead Babies And Blood Clots Without Names. | BabySinead.com NYCs #1 Alt. Porn Girl
Mar 28, 2009
pardon my french

rachell:

heapsgood:

DO NOT FUCKING WEAR FAKE FUCKING GLASSES FUCK.

they don’t make you look smart. they don’t make you look cool. they make you look like a douche bag, AND THEY OBSCURE YOUR FUCKING VISION.

normally I try not to judge a person by their appearance, but with one exception. and that exception is fake glasses.

if you wear them, I promise you we will not get along.

I can’t see eye to eye with someone who wears fake fucking glasses. HA! GET IT? HA!

fuck you.

sorry for swearing.

hahah, yeah. posting for agreeance.

Mar 28, 2009
Mar 28, 2009223 notes
Play
Mar 28, 200910 notes
Mar 28, 2009
Mar 28, 200910 notes
crack your knuckles. they're lying, it's not bad for you.

(via rachell)

Mar 28, 200921 notes
Mar 28, 200976 notes
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