Remember that person in high school...
wewerefatedtopretend: betweennowandforever: We all had that person in high school that was just too cool. Or at least they thought they were too cool for everyone. They had a little style and a little looks but no charm. They were cocky, arrogant and just didn’t have time for anyone. Fast forward to present day: You’re walking down the street, feeling confident, running the successful...
Welcome to the fun.
fmylife: Today, I was going to the mall and went through Macy’s. I saw a really sexy girl from behind; a blond wearing a tiny skirt and a nice blouse. Feeling like being a punk, I went up to her and said, “How you doing?” and slapped her ass. Everyone saw the mannequin fly into the mirror and shatter it. FML
fmylife: Today, I worked in the Emergency Room. A patient came in and the diagnosis was “private area caught in zipper”. All of my co workers and I were cracking jokes in regards to what happened. I walked into the room the patient is only to find my dad crying in pain. FML
fmylife: Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I text her angry, telling her if she can’t make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. 5 Minutes later I get a picture message of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother saying “Shut the **** up, she had appendicitis.” FML That will teach you to be an asshole.
fmylife: Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I’d “killed her nose”. FML Hahaha, little kids in public bathrooms tend to be hilarious.
fmylife: Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn’t believe me. FML Its ture, its happened to me.
janieblue84: mysteriosa: fmylife: Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9’oclock curfew. I’m 18. FML Thats fucking harsh. I was once physically beaten and grounded because my friends asked my grandmother if they...
sarclare: i would never buy shit from that... →
(via sarahclare) Especially since everyone knows the Zorbees and the Snuggie was a POS.
grapedrinkseventy: fmylife: Today, I found out my girlfriend is pregnant and then decided to break up with her. Why? We’re lesbians. FML Fucking brutal. Ah Burn!
yeah, they think the chlorine will kill it. the only thing chlorine will kill is...– one of the dude doctors on the myth you cant get pregnant in a pool (via janetheinsane)
You like me, you really really like me!
There’s got to be a market for an advice columnist with no practical life...– indierockpete
Giving up my iPod for a Walkman →
heylookathatree: viewparadise: onemoretimewithfeeling: emilyposts: Ah, technology. Look how far we’ve come! Writes the 13-year-old reviewer of today using yesteryear’s gadget: It took me three days to figure out that there was another side to the tape. That was not the only naive mistake that I made; I mistook the metal/normal switch on the Walkman for a genre-specific equaliser, but...
what exactly does the phrase ‘friends with benefits’ mean? does he provide her...– sheldon from the big bang theory (via heylookathatree) OMG I love that show. I have to think of something slightly intelligent and hugely funny to yell at the actor that plays sheldon during comicon if I run into the guys. any recommendations?
What is your ninja name?
plasticteacups: heylookathatree: oceanchild: lolitas: A- ka B- zu C- mi D- te E- ku F- lu G- ji H- ri I- ki J- zu K- me L- ta M- rin N- to O- mo P- no Q- ke R- shi S- ari T- chi U- do V- ru W- mei X- na Y- fu Z- zi Mine is: Tadokiarika Katokaarichikamikika. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH mekutakiaririka @_@ and a @_@ to you to holmes ^^^^ me-kashi-ki-toka I LIKE MINES!!11 chikakiaririka...
If you could be any off or on broadway musical...
I would be Ellen Greene (Little Shop of Horrors, Heroes) and I would sing “Suddenly Seymour” with all the passion and conviction of a woman who just found her true love.
Am I old enough that it's creepy to run outside...
heylookathatree: ummwhat: Shit, all the kiddies look so happy with their bubble-gum swirl pops! :( eff no. when i hear that music the world stops and i look directly for change or some dollar bills and scramble out of the house…and im almost 20. hold your head up high while you shove those young’uns out of the way! I have been known to punt the slower kids out of my way to get to the Mister...
ftw ? tell me please?
whtthefckkkkk: jennnay: hahah thanks for all the reblogs saying you love the place. thanks! but i meant what does FTW mean. i see everyone use it. i have no idea. is it fuck the world? pretty sure its “fuck the what”. at least that’s what it is in my head. FTW is “for the Win” so you use it when you want to promote or support sumtin’