Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn’t. I’m ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML
Today, I was teaching swimming lessons to kids. A five year old proceeded to tell me she was only in the class because she was going to be a mermaid when she grows up and needs all the practice she can get. Hello new favorite student. MLIA
Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for it going off during class. When I got home my mom asked me why she had a text earlier from me saying, “Rawwwrr! I’m a dinosaur and I’m coming to eat your children!” I still haven’t gotten my phone back. MLIA
Today, my sister borrowed my laptop. Little did she know, my wireless mouse was still plugged in. I randomly closed her webpages while she surfed the internet. It was the most fun I’ve had in days. MLIA
Today for homework we had to combine two animals and descibe our creation. I combined a bee and a ostrich. I named it a beeotch. MLIA.
Today, I was talking to my mom about how my fiance has been ignoring me and that I didn’t know why. Turns out, my mother told him that I was too much of a handful, was mentally disturbed and also cheating on him. Just so I wouldn’t move out and would keep cleaning her house for free. FML
Today, I joined a small disaster relief group. I remarked to the big, long-haired person beside me that it was surprising that I was the only female in the group. I got a cold stare. Later I asked another volunteer about that person. He answered, “Oh, her? She’s my sister.” FML
Today, I took a quiz on Facebook to find out what my parents should have named me. The answer was Katie. I am named Katie. Good job, Mom and Dad. MLIA.
Today, I saw a homeless man on the side of the road holding a sign that said “I bet you can’t hit me with a quarter”. I’m still amazed by his genius. MLIA.
Today, I was at IHOP when I tripped over a chair. Never having been the swearing type, I loudly exclaimed, “Flippin’ pancakes!” I didn’t realize how appropriate said exclamation was until the waiter replied, “That’s what we’re doing, miss.” MLIA