Got a clearly visible one the length of my right arm - I’d photo it but bruises dont show when I photograph. I think its a combo of my skintone, camera filter and flash brightness.

It’s been two days without my steroids and I’m so afraid that I’ll have some kind of withdrawal; the day I missed 10 in a row I honestly thought I would have to go to the ER but since I was just on a trial run I have to await the results of a followup CPK exam to see if it was effective. If so I get put back on them and more then likely develop diabetes as a result or it didn’t work at all and I’m back to square fucking one. 

My chest and arm keep spasming, normally it’s the right side. It starts in my chest (it makes my tit jiggle), runs down my arm (painfully and rhythmically)  and locks my hand in place (ala seizure) - now apparently it’s doing it on the left. It’s like I have Barbie hands, they’re stuck in one position. 

And to make things worse, I placed a modicum of pressure on my back, as far as my lame arm would allow, right by my rib / kidney region and almost instantly started bawling, HUGE tears. Instant, horrible, pain.

I’m so done. I lost my appetite. My face is swollen. My back is throbbing. My pills have yet to kick in. And I actually think I’ve lost strength in my right arm. 

Gotta give blood Wednesday, then two doctor’s appointments in the next month. 

Can’t I just go to sleep and wake up normal…